How I became the light in the darkness
by fighting my way through
post college depression

4 years.

“Endure those 4 years and the possibilities for you will be limitless!”

“Those 4 years will be the best years of your life!”

“Focus hard these next 4 years so you can get a job!”

4 years. 4 years of intense studying. 4 years of trying to figure out what you want to do with your life. 4 years of working your way up to shake the hand of a dean you probably barely know in order to receive that piece of paper with your future written on it.

That’s what they tell us, right? 4. Years.

By the time move-in day came at age 18, it was an exciting moment. It’s most of our first times testing the waters of adulthood and that feeling of independence was incredible. I was prepared for a hard, crazy, and fun ride because I desired that diploma. So I worked through those 4 years to get it.

Then comes graduation at age 22.

One of the best days of our lives. Graduates in their robes. Parents smiling ear to ear. Constant camera flashes that captured every proud moment. I truly felt like I was flying. The graduation hype made it seem as if the whole world was on your side. But after that? Yea…you’re on your own, kid.

I’ll give you 2 words.

Purpose. And money.

When you’re in your 20’s, you’re in a state of – let’s just say – figuring your sh** out. It’s the time to find who it is you want to be (purpose) and what it is you want to do (money). It’s also the time to make those life altering decisions when it comes to your career, where you want to live, and maybe who you’d want to marry. All this sounds good and dandy, but as a twenty-something it’s hard to navigate your way through – way harder than I thought.

After graduation, I quit my job as a waitress and decided to focus on my music career full time. They say that your twenties are also the time to take chances, right? So I did. But that dream floor I was standing on collapsed and I fell right through. I was feeling itemized and disheartened at being turned into a “public product” in the industry. I realized that this wasn’t what I wanted. So, I opted out and found myself completely out of money. Those empty pockets landed me a room in my grandparents house and a mind that was on the search for that 9-5 life.

Getting a good 9-5 job straight out of college to pay bills (because hey, you’re an adult now) seemed impossible. I busted my butt trying to find a salary job. The results? Rejection after rejection after rejection because I was an entry level candidate.

A couple months later, I finally landed a job and I thought, “Okay, this is great! I got one!” It was my first corporate job where I worked in the sales and marketing department of a start-up business. Wake up, drive to work, sit at a desk, sit in traffic, come home, sleep, repeat. Long story short, I was miserable. I found myself crying so hard that I could barely see out of my car’s windshield. At that moment, I realized how empty and unsatisfied I felt. Is this all there is after college? This is what I worked so hard for?

Unsatisfied. Broke. Lost. Angry.

I was 22 years old when depression fell straight into my lap, and my spirit soaked up every ounce of it.

Post college depression is a thing. Or maybe you didn’t go to college, but you’re still feeling that depression roll over you in your 20’s. It exists, my friend. And you’re not alone.

It’s tough trying to figure out this thing called life.

You’re lost? Find your way back.

You’re broke? Get a job.

You’re depressed? Go to therapy.

This is what the world tells us. Now, I”ll highlight the importance of a job or going to therapy any day, but focusing on outward worldly solutions rather than inward development doesn’t do much but make us fall deeper into our own dark pits.

As a twenty-something giving another twenty-something advice on how to “do” life…well, I really don’t have the answers for that. Simply because I’m figuring it out along the way with ya.

But as a twenty-something who fought her way out of post college depression, I can tell you two. Key. Things.

Self-discipline.

Self-development.

All on the foundation of having faith.

Self-discipline is defined as the ability to control one’s feelings and overcome one’s weaknesses. In other words, you’re focusing on the strength and development within yourself.

I’m sure you’ve heard these words often. You might even be tired of hearing the words being thrown around on the internet as if it’s an easy thing to do. It’s not, but you HAVE to be prepared to face the uneasy in order to develop.

When you put your mind to work and focus on bettering your inner-you, the outside world doesn’t seem like it’s against you. This is because you’re taking the focus away from your circumstances and placing that focus on your development. You can’t marinate in your problems and try to solve them with temporary solutions, especially when you’re in your twenties – the start of adulthood. You HAVE to dig deep. You HAVE to find the root of it all. You HAVE to ask yourself questions that you’ve been avoiding answering. This is necessary in order to set the future you up for success.

When I was at my lowest, it was incredibly hard to get out of bed. Why get up when I felt like I was just existing, rather than living? One day, I was scrolling on Youtube and came across a video by a motivational speaker, Mel Robins, who explained the implementation of the 5 second rule. She spoke on the depression she consistently endured. Then she spoke on a time where she was casually watching TV and saw a rocket launching on the screen. She stated, “When I saw that, I thought…that. Is. It. I’m going to launch myself out of bed like a rocket ship. I’m going to move so fast that my mind doesn’t even have time to think otherwise. I’m going to beat my brain out of depression.”

Mel continued on to say, “The next morning, I counted 5,4,3,2,1 and I stood right up out of bed. I knew that if I didn’t move within those 5 seconds, my brain would talk me out of it. You have about a 5 second window to move from idea to action before your brain kicks into full gear and sabotages any change of behavior.” (Link to Mel’s full video here)

So, that’s exactly what I did. At 22 years old enduring post college depression, I taught myself that 5 second rule by shooting myself out of bed – just like that rocket.

Thanks to Mel, that mental practice followed me throughout the rest of the decisions I made (and am still making) in my twenties. I spent so much time to myself during this low point of my life. I stopped going out on the weekends, I stopped drinking, I read self-development books every night, I was praying constantly, I was meditating daily, I spent time thinking on the past to find answers I internally needed, I was writing in my journal each morning and I was persistently working out. I was doing everything I could to discover the parts of me that needed to be found in order to face the battle I was losing against the world. I realized that each day was another step closer to building strength, determination, and a fierceness inside of me that I didn’t know existed.

And if I didn’t feel like getting out of bed? I counted to five and launched myself out.

If I didn’t feel like reading or praying? I counted to five and launched myself towards taking that action.

There’s a solution to the current state you might be in right now, and it all starts with YOU. We don’t have to remain disheartened at the world. We don’t have to feel sad over not knowing our purpose yet or not having enough money. Things take time, and implementing much needed self-discipline and inner development is necessary. The opportunities that will arise out of this practice and the action you take towards them will change your life.

So take the focus off of your problems, and put the focus on you. Discipline yourself enough to the point where your brain can not tell you otherwise. Spend time with God enough to the point where you’ve developed beyond your problems. Grow. Learn. Ask yourself questions to find out where your insecurities, frustration, anger or fear derive from. Dig deep. Get to the root. Find your joy. Discover YOU.

And when you don’t feel like it? You know what to do my friend. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

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